Dr. Laura Schlessinger agrees that there are things worth
whining about! A certain a of whining allows for some
venting of reasonable pain, disappointment, fear, frustration, or
frank rage. However, staying stuck in whining mode can become a
life-long problem. This is where Dr. Laura steps in with Stop
Whining, Start Living to help folks conquer the temptation to
retreat from living life to the fullest.
As she reveals in her introduction, "No matter what you've
suffered or continue to suffer, while you are alive you have the
rtunity to get something from this life, and I'm going to do
my best to help you with that. . . . I know of what I speak, as
this has been my torturous journey also." Building on the
principles developed during her long career as a licensed
marriage and family therapist, and addressing the chronic
struggles of so many of her listeners and readers, Dr. Laura
issues an important message in the no-nonsense but compassionate
voice that is her trademark: If you don't like your life, quit
talking about your unhappiness and try to fix it, no matter how
difficult or impossible your situation seems.
While it is y to vent occasionally, endless rumination on
the negative only keeps you paralyzed in misery, reinforces
hopelessness, and demoralizes those around you who feel helpless
to bring any happiness into your life. Instead, Stop Whining,
Start Living encourages "whiners" to reject negative thoughts,
emotions, and attitudes; shift perspective; open up to gratitude
and goodness; and embrace obligations to loved ones and the world
in general. Before long, just doing what you're supposed to be
doing--instead of moaning about why you can't or won't or
shouldn't fulfill your responsibilities--will have you feeling
better about yourself and will uplift your interactions with
family, friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers in
incredible ways.
Illustrated by calls and letters from members of Dr. Laura's
huge international audience, Stop Whining, Start Living features
brave testimonials from real human beings facing real challenges.
These folks have benefited enormously from Dr. Laura's powerful
lessons.
Stop Whining, Start Living gives readers stuck in their
suffering the jump start they need to break out of reactive mode
and get proactive, moving in the direction of a joyful,
meaningful, happy, fulfilling, and purposeful future. Everyone
can use a kick in the pants sometimes, and Dr. Laura, who
"preaches, teaches, and nags" to millions every day on her radio
program, is here to deliver it!
Questions for Dr. Laura
Question: How and why does whining get in the way of living?
Dr. Laura: Whining as an immediate response to any sort of pain
(physical, psychological, emotional, interpersonal) is normal and
potentially helpful since venting helps get us some loving and
supportive attention which "softens the blow." Staying in whining
mode makes us ignore options for repair or growth and interferes
with us squeezing joy out of every precious day.
Question: Stop Whining, Start Living assures readers that change
is possible with commitment and willpower. But what can people do
to break the habit of suffering?
Dr. Laura: Solutions to serious problems don’t always have to
be…well…serious! I have had people on the line who I’ve made sing
and/or dance while live on the radio. It is almost impossible to
be sad while "movin’ to the music"! I’ve told listeners to turn
on their radios or iPods to whatever music moves them (for me it
is oldies rock) for fifteen minutes. Distraction and physicality
do a lot to alleviate a negative mood. From there folks need to
move into being a blessing unto others.
Question: Is it ever okay to whine? If so, for how long and
under what circumstances?
Dr. Laura: As I wrote in Stop Whining, Start Living, I reserve
the right to whine about some frustration, disappointment or
assault for between one and four days max. After that I’ve become
boring to myself and everyone around me. Constant whining takes
full attention, which means you can’t smell the roses. And, I
only whine to someone who cares, will be sympathetic, and who
will then help me get goin’ again.
Question: When’s the last time you, Dr. Laura, had a whining
episode and how did you snap out of it?
Dr. Laura: It was just the other day! I got some thoroughly
aggravating news and stomped around whining for a couple of
hours. What always sets me straight is turning on my microphone.
Why? Because for three hours each weekday I get to help people do
and be better in their lives. I hear the respect and trust
they’ve developed for me after months or years of listening to my
program. I hear the switch snap in their brains as they "get"
what it is they have to do or be to improve their lives. I hear
the gratitude for my service. All of that is humbling and reboots
my attitude. I am grateful to be of service and that more than
makes up for whatever annoyance plagued my day. I also go sailing
or take a power hike with my dog, BeBe.
Question: What can a person gain from giving up complaining?
Dr. Laura: I always tell folks that it is a dear shame to not
enjoy a great plate of spaghetti and meatballs because you’re
disappointed in the number of meatballs. You gain dinner!
Question: The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage, your last
bestseller, dealt with all the forces undermining today’s
marriages and the kind, loving actions, thoughts and behaviors at
the core of every successful partnership. How does Stop Whining,
Start Living build upon this foundation?
Dr. Laura: Stop Whining, Start Living doesn’t build upon the
foundation of The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage--it IS the
foundation. To look at your spouse and see some things that annoy
you and focus in on only those aspects of their being and your
relationship is marriage and spouse abuse! To see some things
that annoy you and to say to yourself, "Small price to pay to
have someone to love and to love me," is to stop whining and
start loving.
Question: You advise readers to just say ‘no’ to hurt feelings.
What do you mean?
Dr. Laura: Upset feelings can lead us to behaviors of either
retaliation, self-abuse or perpetual negative rumination--if you
let them. Any of those behaviors feed back into growing those
upset feelings and letting them take solid root. The term
"acceptance" seems so incomprehensible to so many people.
Acceptance means that you stop fighting "it". When people call in
their 30’s and 40’s still complaining that some parent, friend,
or relative isn’t giving/doing what they’d like…I tell them it is
time to stop being surprised that an alligator isn’t friendly in
the bathtub. It’s an alligator--and that’s how alligators behave.
Meanwhile, the new lovely people and circumstances of their lives
are lower priority because they’re still fighting for the "old
stuff" to miraculously change--as though that would really make
any true difference in their lives. I tell them to let go of
their end of the tug-of-war and walk away towards what is and can
be.
