His Needs, Her Needs Participant's Guide

Over a period of time, thousands of books have been written to aid couples in bettering their marriages. Some of the books are successful and some have literally fallen by the way side; however, Harley's book on His Needs, Her Needs would definitively have to be classified in one of the all time classics of marital help books. The amazing thing about this book is Harley's advice is marital advice that actually works! In all practicality, Harley presents the idea that, "Marital conflict is created one of two ways: (1) Couples fail to make each other happy, or (2) couples make each other unhappy." The seconded thought is added-up as a failure to protect the marriage of which Harley chooses to omit discussing this thought in this book. However, he does mention where the second component of this idea is found and by tackling it in the book, this book's companion, Love Busters: Overcoming the Habits that Destroy Romantic Love. This Book primarily deals with the issue that couples fail to make each other happy usually not by spite but rather out of ignorance in understanding each others basic needs that must be met in order to maintain or repair marital bliss. Harley's experience in counseling gives him ample knowledge about this topic and his findings are much worth our time to find them and practice them. In addition to the author's thought, the book is built around the idea of "affair-proofing" your marriage. In his opening statement, chapter one, he addresses people who want happiness in their marriage, (and who does not?). Whether they be newly married, married for a number of years, have a bad marriage or just had an affair, marriage can be built or rebuilt if we would learn this basic principle and message throughout the book: "Become aware of each other's needs and learn to meet them." As an undeniable truth, Harley boldly states, "If any of a spouse's five basic emotional needs goes unmet, that spouse becomes vulnerable to the temptation of an affair." This is his intent and underlining theme throughout his book. In this easy-to-read book on male-female differences, you will learn to build a relationship that sustains romance, increases intimacy, and deepens awareness year after year. Certainly, we all can attest to the fact that men and women have different needs. Some of these needs may in fact overlap each other, on rare occasions, but for the most part these needs, the author sums up, are: The man's five most basic needs in marriage tend to be: 1. Sexual fulfillment 2. Recreational companionship 3. An attractive wife 4. Domestic support 5. Admiration The woman's five most basic needs in the marriage ten to be: 1. Affection 2. Conversation 3. Honesty and openness 4. Financial support 5. Family commitment Harley did a wonderful job explaining and relating each one of these terms to each spouse in a non-offensive way, which speaks volumes in relativeness and applicability. Though, written in 1986, nearly twenty years later this book proves to be a must-needs in every marital situation. Harley explains, "If the needs of men and women are so different, no wonder thy have difficulty adjusting in marriage. A man can have the best intentions to meet his wife's needs, but if he things her needs are similar to his own, he will fail miserably. When they assume men appreciate the same gestures of kindness they like, women, too, fail." Based on the idea that everyone has what Harley refers to as a "love bank", he comments, "Figuratively speaking, I believe each on us has a Love Bank. It contains many different accounts, one for each person we know. Each person either makes deposits or withdrawals whenever we interact with him or her." Unknowingly, however, no one actually knows how many of these deposits or withdrawals a person has, (Which, all-together, teaches differently than Chapman's book on The Five Love Languages, who says we do know and are to selfishly remind our spouse about our levels.) Though clear communication and effective training , we can harness this power of wisdom and apply it to our marriages then we will reap a harvest of deep intimacy that God intended for us to have. Harley does just that, giving us the tools to better our communication and advancing ourselves in the eyes of our spouse in the irresistible way. This, of which, is something every marriage should contain, as we should not leave our spouse needing something we can give them and having the possibility of them finding and filling that gap filled by someone else. This book was the most enjoyable book my wife and I have ever read and has revolutionized our marriage in ways that only reading and practicing Harley's experienced work could find out. We found the information within is far more valuable than most books on helping your marriage.

A great book. Finished reading in a day. Gives you a lot of great perspectives.

Great book. Highly recommend especially for newlyweds or soon to be.

This is a good workbook to work on things with your partner. The only thing I didn’t like is it doesn’t tell you where to go to get the videos that need to be watched to do the exercises.

Gave book as a gift to a needed couple and they thought it was great and helped their marriage

Honestly, this study IMO needs to be taken with a grain of salt in each section. There are so many things said that have some truth but are not as practical as he makes things out too be. There are some good ideas, challenging and thought provoking questions, and such, but you have to sort through a lot of it to find it as he doesn’t exactly make it easy to understand.

This is not the actual book. It is a small pamplet like guide with questions that you are meant to use with a video or another book (neither of which are included with this purchase). This "book" is worthless without this other media. Shame on the seller for not making this more aware, I feel like this is a sleazy sales trap. For shame...

This is a good book on relationships. It was a wedding gift.

Good book but CD is missing in the package

Bought thinking it was the book, but its the workbook.

Phenomenal book! I recommend this book for any married couples or anyone hoping to get married in the future.

A must-have for all married couples! Practical and sound advice for couples and especially for those in trouble that need to know that there is always a way forward.

This is a must read for all those contemplating marriage. Understand each other from the start and you will have a lifetime of happiness. Don't wait until you have a problem that then needs to be solved... but if you find yourself in this unfortunate position, this will help to steer you back out onto the path of happiness. Recommended to everyone!