Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (Revised and Updated)

I picked up Codependent No More hoping to better understand my role in difficult relationships, and it ended up offering far more clarity than I expected. From the very beginning, I felt like the book was speaking directly to me. It did not just define codependency in abstract terms it helped me recognize my own behaviors, reactions, and emotional patterns in a way that was both eye-opening and, at times, humbling. What made the biggest impact on me was the shift in focus. Instead of concentrating on how to help or change someone struggling with addiction, the book consistently brought me back to myself my boundaries, my choices, and my responsibility for my own well-being. That perspective felt empowering. I began to understand how often I had been overextending, overthinking, and tying my emotional state to someone else’s actions. Compared to Beyond Addiction, which I also found valuable for its practical communication tools and emphasis on calm, supportive dialogue, this book went deeper on a personal level. Where Beyond Addiction helped me improve how I interact with others, Codependent No More helped me understand why I respond the way I do in the first place. I also appreciated how practical the guidance felt. It was not just theory, it encouraged small but meaningful changes, like learning to detach with care, letting go of control, and developing healthier emotional boundaries. Writing is straightforward and relatable, which makes it easier to absorb and reflect on without feeling overwhelmed. By the end, I felt more aware of myself, more grounded in my thinking, and more capable of making healthier choices. This book did not just give me insight, it gave me a new way to approach my relationships and, more importantly, myself.

Reading this book really made me reflect on my relationships and the patterns I’ve fallen into. It helped me understand codependency in a way that actually made sense, and the examples felt so real and relatable. The advice isn’t just theoretical—it gave me practical steps to start setting boundaries and taking better care of myself. I’ve already noticed a difference in how I interact with others and handle my own emotions. Definitely a book I’ll be returning to and recommending to friends.

Great author! Easy read. Perfect for those in recovery.

Codependency, like people, comes in many forms... Mine was not from alcoholic parents, or alcoholic family members, or drug abuse, but something just as hurtful and deep... being sexually molested as a child. It's amazing to see how something can alter one's life, in ways we don't see, but feel and continue to feel as gown ups if we don't get the internal and emotional help we need when we face something as devastating and traumatic as a child. We carry it on to our relationships... the painful relationships we feel so sure that we are able to fix, because we feel it in ourselves to fix, yet we put off fixing ourselves. We choose to overlook our needs, or wants, our dreams trying to fulfill someone else's. We feel that if we are able to help someone else, that our internal fears and pain will go away, or at least like a pain killer does to the body... will mask it for the time being. I had two failed marriages - first one I was married to a man with OCD... severe. I felt that I would change this man, that I would be able to make a difference and it didn't, it just made me a very unhappy person, which drove me to a relationship with food, it was a relationship which filled me up, made me mentally content, or so I thought only to see that the only thing from that relationship with food which I gained was weight and I was miserable. I knew that was a relationship I needed to sever, so I began getting help from a counselor and started seeing my unhappy life from a different perspective, getting the help, helped me see that it was not so hard to get out of. Yet I went back to what felt comfortable... and soon after that I went into another relationship, with a alcoholic man which I saw at the time as being a "social drinker"... another "victim" which I felt I could help, I could cure, I could change. Although he is now a recovering alcoholic, he put me through the mental wringer - this too ended in divorce. And then... the married, "I will get a divorce... cheated on his wife with me" boyfriend... three years I was with him and three years I listened to the lies he told me when I would see texts from other women... I lived in constant denial - we would break up and we would get back together... it was always me who wanted to make it work. Two days ago was the last straw! I said NO MORE!!! Wake up Linda and stop living a Lie!! When I began seeing a counselor again a few months ago, this time with the yearning and longing to make a life change for the choices I make. My doctor suggested I read the book on codependency and I am three quarters through it. I've read so many eye opening moments. It is altering when you see that what you are going through you are not alone, and you begin to understand your worth, not by trying to change someone else's life, but by making the choice of taking control of yours! This book is helping my inner child grow up and see myself for the genuine and amazing person I am - I have so much to give myself! So much love, attention and respect! I have always looked for that in others, when really no one can give it to me if I don't give it to myself first! I have a new perspective on my life and the relationships I will allow in my life. Life is about choices... it's never too late to reevaluate and improve on oneself - this book has helped me open up my eyes to that! I am not closing them, and when I blink, I will reflect on the lessons I have learned from my failed relationships and my will to know the difference and to make a change for only better!

It took about ten pages before I started recognizing myself in the portrait of the co-dependent. Then--Eureka! Melody writes from the perspective of someone who's been there as a chemical abuser, as an enabler of other abusers, and as a therapist. Most sections are well-written enough to rise above a slant towards either gender. I have to admit I felt embarrassed ordering this book. Had a male therapist not strongly recommended it after I went to him feeling overwhelmed by my own situation I would have continued to dismiss this and other "recovery" literature as fodder for Oprah and stereotypical hen-parties. However, I quickly realized through reading this book (once I found a nice dark corner) that co-dependency is a real phenomenon for both men and women. As the non-alcoholic in the relationship a man might have not done anything to "deserve" what he's suffering at the hands of his tormentor (and himself), but nonetheless it has an inevitable and lasting effect. This book can get him started towards admitting the problem so he can address it and perhaps start to rise beyond the anger, confusion, self-doubt, resentment and negativity to a happier place. This is what they call "recovery". My only criticism of the book is how it starts looking cobbled-together towards the end. It seems some content was shoved in to get it to the 200-page level to justify more shelf space or a higher price tag. It would be well worth the $11 as a 50-page pamphlet. A "patty" this good doesn't need filler. So even if you're a Joe Six-Pack meat-and-potatoes type of guy, give this book a try if a loved one has a alcohol or drug problem. Chances are that over time their problem has become yours in more ways than you might think.

Having just finished three different books about violence, abuse, and trauma, this one was my favorite. This book offers a compassionate and accessible introduction to understanding codependent patterns and shifting toward healthier boundaries. It blends personal stories, practical insights, and gentle guidance in a way that feels supportive rather than overwhelming. While it isn’t a step‑by‑step manual, it provides a strong foundation for anyone beginning to recognize unhealthy dynamics and wanting to reclaim their sense of self. Readers looking for deeper clinical detail may want to supplement it with additional resources, but as a starting point for awareness and change, it’s a meaningful and empowering read.

I wasn’t exactly thrilled when my mentor suggested she thought I could be dealing with codependency. I started researching and decided to find a book and stumbled across this. After reading great reviews I bought it and started reading and read through half the book in one day. It’s so good. It is thorough in explaining what codependency is and how it looks different for different people. You don’t walk away feeling embarrassed or ashamed but enlightened and equipped. Within a WEEK I was recognizing my codependent tendencies and behaviors and am so aware of them I’m now able to catch most things before I even do them. It’s been a game changer in my relationships especially with my husband. So thankful i found this book!

Love this book!

O livro chegou duas semanas depois da data prevista mas veio tudo em ordem.

A lifeline when you think all is lost. Melody Beattie speaks lovingly, compellingly and reassuringly through her book offering guidance and hope to anyone who has experienced dysfunctional family life. She helps you to literally regain balance and sanity when one's world may be growing progressively crazier and difficult to cope with. When you feel alone, frightened, overwhelmed and lost...when you feel locked into isolation and believe yourself beyond human help...this book reaches out and lovingly leads you upward out of the dark abyss into sunshine...helping you understand powerful truths at integral levels and helping you discover that there is life beyond the painful chaos that has come to be your life.

Incredible book!

Recommended by a counselor. Although it does talk quite a bit about being a spouse of alcoholic, it doesn't take away from the pervasive theme of the book: if you're allowing others to affect you so deeply that you forget who you are - you're codependent. That's my take on codependency. I didn't particularly agree with some concepts of what it means to detach, some of them came across as selfish however I think if you're detaching with integrity, and not throwing others under the bus or lack consideration for doing the right thing then it's ok. This part of the book requires a bit of critical thinking to get through. Overall, I think it's an excellent book, easy to read and follow and is helpful in my journey. It is helping me to get back to my baseline of how I used to be, prior to certain events; it's actually making me feel very calm and compassionate toward myself. Good excercises too. It's thought provoking but not mentally draining. Not much repetition, new concepts in each chapter.

Me encanta to es un libro que puedo decir del material, el libro usa muchas referencias de AA y de adicciones pero aunque no te identifiques con eso te lo explica de manera fácil de entender con muchos ejemplos y ejercicios para reflejar y paso a paso xomo ir trbajando en la codependencia.